Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
