my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
