Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
