Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
