I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
