i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
