Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
