Just fell off a train. Bad.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
