i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
