so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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