I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
