Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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