I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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