Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
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