So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
