At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
