I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
