you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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