She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
