I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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