Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
