Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Someone signed my nipple.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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