He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
