Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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