he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
two words...techno handjob
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
