My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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