4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
