what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
