I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
