tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
