I saw his package. It spoke to me.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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