Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
