so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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