I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
