we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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