At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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