just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
