Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
