Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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