You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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