im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
