My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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