I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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