I'm really into asian looking animals
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
