and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
