We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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