i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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