I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
