This is not my ceiling
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
