Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
