OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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