I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
