the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
